A few weeks ago I attended the ASU + GSV conference for educators, entrepreneurs, and investors. It’s not your typical education conference yet one I have come to really enjoy because I often get to hear and learn from diverse experts outside of education who push my thinking and share new ideas and resources.
One of the morning keynotes was Dr. Tal Ben Shahar, a professor at Harvard who teaches a course on ‘How to be Happier,’ who shared his research on the science of happiness. He identified 3 keys to being happy according to science:
- Give Yourself Permission to be Human
- Cultivate (in person) Relationships
- Show Gratitude
These aren’t necessarily new ideas and I have heard them often as I am sure you have. However, making the connection between these practices and their collective impact on people’s happiness made me commit to being more intentional about practicing them. I wrote these 3 tips down in my notes and throughout the last two weeks I have found myself sharing them with friends and family, reflecting on what it means to me, and most importantly DOING something connected to these ideas. Here are a few thoughts and practices that have impacted my perspective.
1) Give Yourself Permission to be Human:
Dr. Shahar shared that although economic wealth in and better physical health may be on an upward trend, at the same time people are overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, and depression and these are increasingly common amongst our youth. I was reminded of an incredibly articulate student that I met at a conference in Brussels who noted that people often tell her that she can be anything yet she interprets it as she has to be everything. She articulated what I think many people feel and exposed how this pressure (explicit or not) can be crippling.
We can’t do it all and we will all make mistakes. We will have bad days and sometimes we just can’t get it all done. If I am honest, most days I don’t accomplish all that I want or come close to getting through my to-do list but I am trying to be better and give myself the permission to be human, set realistic goals and celebrate what is going well. So this week even though I had so much to do at work I took 2 hours to go on a field trip with my son, Zack and felt energized and more productive that I had felt in a while after taking the time to go on a field trip and be a human/ mom. Plus, he appreciated it and I got so much joy out of seeing him in his environment and in the end, those two hours were way more beneficial than any meeting I could have been in.
2) Cultivate (in person) Relationships
One of the points that I appreciated in the keynote is the emphasis on in-person relationships and their influence on happiness. In fact, it was noted that they are the #1 predictor of happiness. I am grateful for the many connections that I have made and maintained because of social media but there is no substitute for the connection that is possible when you are face to face with someone. I have been (and will continue to be) more intentional about prioritizing time and activities with those close to me to build and maintain relationships.
If you are familiar with StrengthsFinders or just about any personality assessment, I often score very high in the relationships category. I thrive on relationships and meaningful connections with people. When I get busy and overwhelmed by the to-do list mentioned in #1, I don’t do as good of a job connecting with the people of love and prioritizing the relationships and connections that fuel me. I am often reminded that connecting with those who lift you up and push you to be better is well worth the investment. In the book, Crossing the Unknown Seas, this passage sums up why making the time to maintain relationships matters.
“You know that the antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest? The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness.”
3) Show Gratitude
This last one is so simple and complex at the same time- maybe that’s just me though. In a way, it requires vulnerability to express gratitude. I have a framed quote in my office that says, “start each day with a grateful heart.” But, to be honest, I am not always as intentional as I could be about this practice on a day to day basis even though I am so grateful for all I have and really appreciate when people share their gratitude with me.
This week I had two friends- who are very busy- go out of their way to help me with some back end issues with my blog and emails that I was struggling to figure out. I sent an email and tweeted out a thank you for their support- thanks to the keynote that reinforced the importance of expressing gratitude. A few days later my friend called and shared that he was dealing with some challenges and my gratitude made his day. I was kind of shocked in a way because he had helped me and all I had done was say thanks but he reminded me of a time that I had gone out of my way to help him. The cycle of gratitude continued to create more joy and happiness. I love this reminder from Brene Brown- Don’t squander joyful moments… lean in and practice gratitude.
Onward
The last few weeks have been a reminder to me that there are no shortage of good ideas or research on what we should do but these ideas and research only make a difference if we do something. I will continue to work on giving myself permission to be human, make time and be present to cultivate relationships with those that are close to me, and I think the biggest area of growth for me is to show and express my gratitude in an effort to create more happiness in my life and the lives of others.
Katie, I first met Dr Tal Ben Shahar at the World Happiness Summit in Miami. I’ve been attending for the last three years, and I too have been affected by the science and importance of practicing happiness in all facets of life. It’s important to teach children about this at a very young age. At our school we are embarking on a strength based approach for our faculty. Check out Mo Gawdat and Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener.